My last post may have been slightly cryptic to the one person that saw it, but that was not its aim. Since then developments mean I can probably reveal more and this is purely a cathartic exercise to express how I'm feeling. Most details are already in the public domain on Twitter, but that was not for me.
As the title suggests, my fear from the other day was realised and a good friend passed away on Sunday 13th May 2012 at the age of 36 from cancer. It can feel strange saying that still and I've cried a lot since I found out over a woman I never met but who I got on with so well. Amanda was @no_left_feet on Twitter and called herself Hops. She was the most fun, caring, kind, cheeky and friendly person you could wish to know with a sharp wit. Her modesty would deny this and we would often sing each other's praises whilst denying the worth of what the other said. Her passing has shown that perhaps we may have both had a point.
She first got osteosarcoma 2 years ago which resulted in the amputation of her left leg and chemotherapy. About 3 months ago she found a lump on her back, which was successfully removed but the tumour had spread to her lung as well. Despite all this she remained upbeat and positive and my interactions with her always a source of joy. She was fully aware of her fate, although I think many were surprised by the speed which her cancer grew.
My Twitter account was basically me rhyming some anniversary or other but Amanda decided to join in and rhymed back to me, turning an ordinary chat into a rhyming couplet sparring session. Others joined in, but she continued to regularly rhyme which were often just silly and full of in-jokes but seemed to entertain others. One of the nicest tributes I saw this morning from a mutual follower which was nice to read.
I last heard from her on Wed 9th, just before midnight after being in daily contact with her. She was tired and in pain but still happy to chat privately with me in DMs. She had beenn readmitted to hospital the day before after the Bank Holiday weekend to hopefully sart chemotherapy - this hadn't happened as in her own words she was not "match fit". I think we both realised that time may be limited then and I couldn't help notice her getting worse as, for one of the rare times, she complained of having a bad day. Monday had been bad, Tuesday was worse and earlier on Wednesday she said there might be an infection but felt relief from after a chest drain. On the evening, not wanting to get sucked into my timeline I was happy to stay there and mentioned I'd composed a rhyme for the passing of Vidal Sassoon which she insisted on seeing. I sent her it with a comment about wanting to rhyme with 'shaved baboon' but thought best not. She called me silly and then said she was having difficulties with her cannula and it might take ages. That was her last message to me.
Not hearing anything by Friday I started to fear the worst as she would have tried to get back in touch by then and I wept already dreading what her condition was. That was Alison's birthday and we went for a meal in the evening with me trying to put a brave face on (she doesn't understand Twitter and how such relationships can grow and build with strangers). I had a long weekend, having put holidays in for Alison and my Dad's birthday so spent a lot of time moping.
One of my concerns which we had discussed was that I would never know when she died but would lose contact and assume the worst from then. She anticipated closing her Twitter account as she deteriorated, didn't think her husband would mention her passing and thought she would slowly fade away and be forgotten about. How wrong she was. On the evening of 14th (my Dad's birthday) he did post on her page of her passing the previous day. The response was immediate and overwhelming. Hundreds of people, some of whom didn't follow her but were intrigued started sending their condolences. In a piece I wrote the following day I mentioned how she doubted she was popular and thought she probably annoyed as many people as she entertained. Again she was proved wrong.
Obviously, I needed to write a poem for her and had a rough draft which I had sketched out on the Friday but which was based on not knowing her condition only that she had been missing for too long and assuming the worst. Having the confirmation meant a little rework which I then posted a couplet at a time through the tears. This is when I suspected she might have been onto something with regards to myself as the response to the poem took me by surprise. What was intended as a personal tribute became something that many others started to retweet and comment on. I was receiving comments from grown men saying they were in tears reading it and that it showed everything that was good about Twitter (emotions were raw!) Many others were recommending their followers to look at it for which I was truly touched if a little uncomfortable. I never intended for any limelight (not that I attach any) and it will be soon enough forgotten but for a brief moment I felt honoured that all her followers were allowing me the voice to speak on their behalf. Possibly knowing how close we'd become in our interactions.
But for that brief moment, I hope I did her proud. As I wanted to say "I told you so" to her, no doubt she would have pointed to my new followers with her cheeky grin and simply put ;op . The most touching part came when I got up the next morning to find a DM from her husband, who had retweeted the poem onto her timeline, thanking me for my words and saying Amanda would have approved and she talked about me a lot.
It's still hard to describe why I should be so affected by someone I never met but I'm not the only one. I still expect her to get back in touch: I've got so much to tell her and I can't tell you. I just feel so privileged to have known her - she was a positive influence on my life. I know there is another thing I need to do that she wanted, but that's for a later date (if I have the bottle - may report back if I do, but don't hold your breath). As well as her husband, she leaves behind two teenage daughters, both her parents, three brothers and a sister as well as countless nieces and nephews and many friends who will have a big hole in their lives now. For now I know I miss her so much already. RIP Amanda - my partner in rhyme.
As the title suggests, my fear from the other day was realised and a good friend passed away on Sunday 13th May 2012 at the age of 36 from cancer. It can feel strange saying that still and I've cried a lot since I found out over a woman I never met but who I got on with so well. Amanda was @no_left_feet on Twitter and called herself Hops. She was the most fun, caring, kind, cheeky and friendly person you could wish to know with a sharp wit. Her modesty would deny this and we would often sing each other's praises whilst denying the worth of what the other said. Her passing has shown that perhaps we may have both had a point.
She first got osteosarcoma 2 years ago which resulted in the amputation of her left leg and chemotherapy. About 3 months ago she found a lump on her back, which was successfully removed but the tumour had spread to her lung as well. Despite all this she remained upbeat and positive and my interactions with her always a source of joy. She was fully aware of her fate, although I think many were surprised by the speed which her cancer grew.
My Twitter account was basically me rhyming some anniversary or other but Amanda decided to join in and rhymed back to me, turning an ordinary chat into a rhyming couplet sparring session. Others joined in, but she continued to regularly rhyme which were often just silly and full of in-jokes but seemed to entertain others. One of the nicest tributes I saw this morning from a mutual follower which was nice to read.
I last heard from her on Wed 9th, just before midnight after being in daily contact with her. She was tired and in pain but still happy to chat privately with me in DMs. She had beenn readmitted to hospital the day before after the Bank Holiday weekend to hopefully sart chemotherapy - this hadn't happened as in her own words she was not "match fit". I think we both realised that time may be limited then and I couldn't help notice her getting worse as, for one of the rare times, she complained of having a bad day. Monday had been bad, Tuesday was worse and earlier on Wednesday she said there might be an infection but felt relief from after a chest drain. On the evening, not wanting to get sucked into my timeline I was happy to stay there and mentioned I'd composed a rhyme for the passing of Vidal Sassoon which she insisted on seeing. I sent her it with a comment about wanting to rhyme with 'shaved baboon' but thought best not. She called me silly and then said she was having difficulties with her cannula and it might take ages. That was her last message to me.
Not hearing anything by Friday I started to fear the worst as she would have tried to get back in touch by then and I wept already dreading what her condition was. That was Alison's birthday and we went for a meal in the evening with me trying to put a brave face on (she doesn't understand Twitter and how such relationships can grow and build with strangers). I had a long weekend, having put holidays in for Alison and my Dad's birthday so spent a lot of time moping.
One of my concerns which we had discussed was that I would never know when she died but would lose contact and assume the worst from then. She anticipated closing her Twitter account as she deteriorated, didn't think her husband would mention her passing and thought she would slowly fade away and be forgotten about. How wrong she was. On the evening of 14th (my Dad's birthday) he did post on her page of her passing the previous day. The response was immediate and overwhelming. Hundreds of people, some of whom didn't follow her but were intrigued started sending their condolences. In a piece I wrote the following day I mentioned how she doubted she was popular and thought she probably annoyed as many people as she entertained. Again she was proved wrong.
Obviously, I needed to write a poem for her and had a rough draft which I had sketched out on the Friday but which was based on not knowing her condition only that she had been missing for too long and assuming the worst. Having the confirmation meant a little rework which I then posted a couplet at a time through the tears. This is when I suspected she might have been onto something with regards to myself as the response to the poem took me by surprise. What was intended as a personal tribute became something that many others started to retweet and comment on. I was receiving comments from grown men saying they were in tears reading it and that it showed everything that was good about Twitter (emotions were raw!) Many others were recommending their followers to look at it for which I was truly touched if a little uncomfortable. I never intended for any limelight (not that I attach any) and it will be soon enough forgotten but for a brief moment I felt honoured that all her followers were allowing me the voice to speak on their behalf. Possibly knowing how close we'd become in our interactions.
But for that brief moment, I hope I did her proud. As I wanted to say "I told you so" to her, no doubt she would have pointed to my new followers with her cheeky grin and simply put ;op . The most touching part came when I got up the next morning to find a DM from her husband, who had retweeted the poem onto her timeline, thanking me for my words and saying Amanda would have approved and she talked about me a lot.
It's still hard to describe why I should be so affected by someone I never met but I'm not the only one. I still expect her to get back in touch: I've got so much to tell her and I can't tell you. I just feel so privileged to have known her - she was a positive influence on my life. I know there is another thing I need to do that she wanted, but that's for a later date (if I have the bottle - may report back if I do, but don't hold your breath). As well as her husband, she leaves behind two teenage daughters, both her parents, three brothers and a sister as well as countless nieces and nephews and many friends who will have a big hole in their lives now. For now I know I miss her so much already. RIP Amanda - my partner in rhyme.
No comments:
Post a Comment