If proof were needed that my head isn't in the right place I received a written warning at work yesterday after a silly mistake. Of itself it was an easy error that wouldn't have merited such action but it's the third such mistake in a few months as I have been somewhat preoccupied with one thing or another. I received the spiel of work rate and ethic fine, but the attention to detail was lacking as I failed to double check. I think they were aware of 'Personal Issues' but I refused to offer this as an excuse as I have no intention of going into any details for a start. Sorry, smack on the knuckles and don't do it again.
It is true that my head is not right as I continue to mourn Amanda's passing and her condition has preyed on my mind for a while amongst other things. She wouldn't be happy with this development and would feel guilty DMing me at work thinking I may get into trouble and I would joke about going into stealth mode on starting work where I would remove myself from the timeline and surreptitiously DM throughout my shift when I could.
She became my rock in DMs where I could tell her anything and she would never judge and she was free to tell me anything. There was very little complaint about anything aside from a little frustration about not being in a tweeting mood in the last few weeks and she was happy to talk frankly. I miss that so much. Others kindly offer support but I couldn't possibly talk in the same way to any of them and even on this blog I have to rein myself in, not be fully open and you don't talk back and reassure me that everything will be alright.
It is such a strange feeling and people know that something is wrong but it is hard to explain why I should be so upset so keep it as vague as possible. I don't remember being quite this upset when I lost family members as a teenager and silly things remind me of what is no longer there from boring messages whilst doing the shopping to logging into MSN to see the message 'Amanda is Offline'. I know she would hate to see me react this way and I hope to do her justice but for now emotions are raw. I saw someone comment about honouring a promise they had made her. I made several, some of which I can no longer keep, others I achieved. Others are still unresolved but I will do my damnedest to make her proud.
It is true that my head is not right as I continue to mourn Amanda's passing and her condition has preyed on my mind for a while amongst other things. She wouldn't be happy with this development and would feel guilty DMing me at work thinking I may get into trouble and I would joke about going into stealth mode on starting work where I would remove myself from the timeline and surreptitiously DM throughout my shift when I could.
She became my rock in DMs where I could tell her anything and she would never judge and she was free to tell me anything. There was very little complaint about anything aside from a little frustration about not being in a tweeting mood in the last few weeks and she was happy to talk frankly. I miss that so much. Others kindly offer support but I couldn't possibly talk in the same way to any of them and even on this blog I have to rein myself in, not be fully open and you don't talk back and reassure me that everything will be alright.
It is such a strange feeling and people know that something is wrong but it is hard to explain why I should be so upset so keep it as vague as possible. I don't remember being quite this upset when I lost family members as a teenager and silly things remind me of what is no longer there from boring messages whilst doing the shopping to logging into MSN to see the message 'Amanda is Offline'. I know she would hate to see me react this way and I hope to do her justice but for now emotions are raw. I saw someone comment about honouring a promise they had made her. I made several, some of which I can no longer keep, others I achieved. Others are still unresolved but I will do my damnedest to make her proud.
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