Ghosts

It is now over a week since Amanda died and the sense of loss seems even bigger if anything. The tears have dried somewhat but there is a massive hole in my life now. I felt it driving to work on Sunday night. Ordinarily I would have been chatting to her and would have said Goodbye as I left - not something that happened last week on earlies as I leave so early. A quiet night shift with no DMs to talk to her just intensify that huge gap.
   Last night then felt rather poignant when I was notified that her account had retweeted and favourited a tweet of mine (a boo of me reading the poem I wrote). Her husband has been retweeting some blog pieces and my poem but the timing got me a little. Later on I discovered that her brother had started following me on Twitter as well as I recognised the name and the only other account he followed was Amanda's. He hadn't posted anything at the time but put a tribute message to her this morning which I retweeted and replied to when I woke, offering my condolences. He answered by thanking me for keeping up with her humour and said he'd been reading and enjoying our exchanges.
   I want to jump into conversations or respond to something somebody says but my heart is still not in it yet. I'll read my timeline, do a few retweets and slope back off. Might try again later.