Hahn's malt barley

Some reflective moments this weekend starting with my Grandad's funeral on Friday which in keeping with the last few funerals I have attended felt rather strange with the added complication of trying to remember the names of people I could not remember but some of whom knew me from childhood. We spent a lot of the time travelling between venues as I drove to my parents who took me and Helen to Tim and Tina's in Bishop Auckland where the funeral directors came to take Brian's body to a nearby church for the service. The church was a rather nice old building not necessarily best equipped for the long limousines but with tombstones from the 17th century and lovely stained glass windows which unfortunately were boarded up outside. After the service we all drove to North cemetery back in Darlington where he was to be interred in the same grave as my grandmother and her son. After the vicar finished the service at the graveside we returned to Tim and Tina's for a buffet and to collect my parent's car before we returned back to Darlington again several hours later.
   As one of Tim's friends pointed out and which was true for me as well it was unusual to be attending a burial as most of the recent funerals I had been to were cremations. My mam had a moment by the graveside when she could not see ant other coffins and wondered what they had done with her brother as the hole was still rather deep. Reassuring her that they will have dug the hole deeper and covered the other coffins, hence the wood chips just below Brian's coffin, to avoid any upset calmed her but I did see her double checking with the vicar.
   My folks mentioned that they were going to visit my grandparents house at Tim's invitation to see if there was anything they wanted before it went on the market and asked if I would like to come. For all of us I think it was more of an opportunity to exorcise some ghosts and so met them at "Cilipi" on Saturday afternoon. The door was stuck so we were limited to snooping around the garage and the plot of land over the road. Bethany enjoyed running around the field nonetheless, picking flowers and laughing at my dad swinging on the gate. There was a porcelain dog inside the conservatory door that wouldn't open and she seemed rather taken with it as she kept running to the door, waving and saying "hiya" to the dog.
   Just as we were about to leave my dad tried the door one last time and it came free so we went and all were overcome with some uncomfortable nostalgia. The place is a mess with nappy bags, disposable gloves and toilet rolls scattered about the place left over from when Brian was receiving care at home along with the camp bed set up in the living room. The carpets were threadbare and other artefacts were strewn all over with only some mousetraps being carefully positioned. Some outbuildings were in disrepair with a missing roof and a broken window and I had forgotten how many trinkets my nanna had collected. Porcelain figurines of various qualities of tat were everywhere covering display cases and window sills although the old art deco style furniture I remembered was still there. Even David Dickinson wouldn't get excited at what was in the house although there were a few old cameras and a cine splicer that might have been of some interest and which my mam said she would tell Tim about. In the end my mam found an old sewing machine and I took a bottle of wine and a half bottle each of whisky and brandy.
   One of the abiding memories I have of visiting as a child was when my dad would play the piano they had so when I saw it I warmed and opened it to play the few bars of "In The Mood" that I can manage thinking that Bethany would enjoy the music. As she scrunched her face up ready to cry I realised that it had not had the desired effect that I had hoped for so made way for my father who started but soon discovered the piano was flat. That sort of summed up the visit.
   Today was far more rewarding as Alison and my mam both competed in the Race for Life at Ormesby Hall where despite the weather both performed magnificently. Alison knocked about 10 minutes off her time from last year completing the 5K run in just under 36 minutes with my mam about 10 minutes behind. As Alison's training schedule consisted of drinking the bottle of wine from my grandparents the night before then she was quite rightly pleased with herself but may feel the effects tomorrow as she started to feel herself stiffening up in the car on the way back home.

Ran by mallet hash.

My recent perception is that Bethany now suits her name: not that she didn't not suit her name before. The difference is that we did not use her name as often too her, more so between each other as she was unable to respond and was unaware of it's meaning. Now as she is starting to develop her language skills she understands a lot more even if she is unable to speak back. She does try to reply and we think we can hear her trying to form words, usually it sounds like her attempting to repeat what we have just said. The result is that when we call her name we get a reaction from her so that she is no longer a baby with any name that I often felt self conscious about saying in public as it felt pointless and worried that I was being overly cute. Now when we shout "Bethany" as she tries to run off we have a good reason.
   She is still enjoying her food but that includes playing more with it. She is becoming more and more adept at using cutlery and prefers to feed herself now rather than let us feed her but she has got into the habit of rubbing her dinner in her eyes and up her nose. Her predilection of dunking any leftovers from her dinner into her dessert persists and whilst I'm all for experimental cooking I think her sprout coated in strawberry yoghurt may not prove too popular amongst the wider population.
   Bethany is also getting more comfortable amongst other people. She has always been friendly, flashing smiles and waving at strangers and encouraging reciprocation, but would get upset without either Alison or myself to reassure her. She is much more settled at nursery and happy with the staff who she genuinely seems pleased to see. Also last night when we were having our tea in the pub a young girl was fussing over her and Bethany happily played with her outside - at one point running over to her laughing. Presumably she didn't inherit the sociable gene from me.

Harsh llama by ten

A lot of commentators appear to be non-plussed by The Only Way Is Essex winning a BAFTA and getting increasingly annoyed that it beat programmes such as Downton Abbey and Miranda to win the award on given from the public vote. I can't comment as to the quality of the programme as I have never watched it although I have based my avoidance decision on enough press coverage to decide that it is not a TV show I would enjoy and that same coverage has provided me with more information than I would wish to know about it. By the same token, however, I have not seen Downton Abbey either as again it did not strike me as something I would particularly enjoy but again I am aware of the reviews that sing its praises.
   Which is sort of the point. I can not physically watch every programme on TV and therefore keep an eye out for the programmes that I like the sound of and one way of filtering is by listening to trusted critics although this is not flawless. Set top recorders and iPlayer mean that shift patterns matter no more when watching a series although it came too late for programmes such as The Sopranos or The West Wing, neither of which I have ever seen and probably never will now as the moment has gone. Everybody has to make similar decisions to suit there own personal tastes and if you open an award up for the general public to vote on then you can not complain when they pick something which you disapprove of. There is no doubt an element of truth in the assertion that TOWIE benefited from its demographic audience more au fait, or even bothered with, the methods of voting.
   The whole idea of a structured reality programme leaves me feeling rather cold: get non actors to act out their own over dramatised lives and selecting those that are most televisual means filling the screens with young, opinionated, carefree people with a high sense of self regard but that does not give them any less legitimacy to win a BAFTA.
   Their collection of the statue was a pure punk moment as the camera panned around to show a room full of unimpressed suits and dresses looking faintly annoyed whilst members of the "cast" leaped around and screamed on the stage much to the audiences further irritation. This may have been more pertinent had they been aware of the impact they were having but alcohol and regard for only themselves most likely rendered them oblivious. Still it was amusing to see so many respected actors, comedians and cutting edge performers having their egos pricked by the brightly coloured inanities who had won one of their baubles.

Stray hen ball ham

Well seeing as we're still here I might as well jot down some guff. (Can you jot on a keyboard?) There was a pile of scribbled on paper when I returned from work last night and went to flick through what appeared to be and was Bethany's handiwork from nursery. The paint splodge on purple craft paper had Bethany's name on it and the date but the other works of art were "signed" Finlay and had various dates. Realizing that the nursery had been over enthusiastic in handing out the art I thought about contacting the Tate to see if they would be interested in taking Finlay's creations off my hands after briefly considering adding them to the recycling. In the end I decided it was probably best to take them back to the nursery in case Finlay's parents wished to see the fruits of his labours although the thought did cross my mind that maybe they already had and had started to sneak unwanted scribbles into other children's piles.
   This morning as I tried to have a quick tread of the paper before going to work Bethany had other ideas and wanted to play. This was fine and she was happy enough until she bit my leg through my jeans. The shock made me cry out causing Alison to rush in and who seemed more upset by the incident than me. After scolding her she inevitably started crying and it was more than we could manage to feel sorry for her and give her a cuddle.
   As I finished work earlier with it being overtime she was still up when I got in and although a little surprised she ran towards me laughing. The thought that things don't get better than this was soon dispelled as she ran past me and attempted to climb in her pushchair. She was still happy to see me and we cuddled before she was put to bed. Perhaps it was paranoia from the earlier incident but I could have sworn that she made to bite my shoulder. I know that she likes her food but this is getting ridiculous.

Then alarm by lash

It has not been a good year for grandfathers - or more specifically my mother's fathers both biological and step as her step father died at the weekend. As no family relationships seem to straight forward I am once again left unsure as to how I feel. I don't mean to sound heartless and it is obviously sad but personally only a little upsetting. Again this is more because I had seen very little of him in the last 10 to 15 years so it does not seem such a big loss in that respect but he was a big part of my life when I was younger and I get my middle name from him.
   Understandably he took his wife's side in our disagreements with my grandmother although ultimately he became one of her victims as he had legal wrangles to stay in his own house after she died. The sour times can't wipe away what went on before and the little I know of car maintenance comes from him helping to patch up my first few bangers and I remember being ever so proud when he was awarded a bravery medal for rescuing a neighbour from a fire.
   Apparently there is to be an inquest into his death after he choked and three separate medical teams failed to remove the blockage. Curiously it was not his condition that killed him, although apparently choking can be quite common in Alzheimer sufferers, like his wife who was on the way to hospital for further tests to ascertain her condition when she was killed in a car crash. (Brian has been driving but had got out to ask for directions).
RIP Brian Kelly

Manly health bars

Our little weekend away was not as rushed as I feared although we were all tired and it was hardly a fine dining experience. Doing the extra night shift meant we were late away but that still gave us time to walk around Berwick and trip to the beach just as it started spitting and the wind got up. What followed was pure slapstick as Alison unfolded Bethany's umbrella to shelter her from the wind but the wind was in a playful mood and blew the brolly down the beach. Foolishly I decided to chase after it and as it blew further away I ran up to the promenade as I struggled to run along the sand. Seeing it come to a halt by some rocks I went back to the beach only to see it blow away again before finally coming to a halt at the bottom of a cliff. Out of condition I collected the brolly and as the rain was getting heavier I walked back shielding myself from the weather with a small pink umbrella covered in Disney princesses.
   We were stopping in a Travelodge and next to it were a Morrisons and a MacDonalds but we did notice a pub / restaurant on the other side of the roundabout which seemd like a good place to go for dinner. That to cross the roundabout meant walking across the A1 which was thankfully a bit quieter by the evening and the staff were incedibly friendly and accomodating  (bringing a colouring book for Bethany) but the there did seem to be a preponderance of batter in our meals. The haute cuisine continued when we breakfasted in the cafe at Morrisons before we set off to visit some attractions.
   First on the list was a nearby farm trail that was just down the road which Alison had found when looking for things to do as Bethany likes animals. We saw the signs as we drove past the pub from the previous night but with no obvious turn off we continued on the A1 and ended up crossing the border into Scotland. Backtracking I turned off where we saw the sign but ended up at a tourist viewing point so after viewing we gave up and headed for the next item on the itinery. This was the light railway that ran from Etal to Heatherslaw (and vice versa) with a wander around what was left of Etal Castle before the train came.
   Our full breakfast (unsurprisingly not labelled Full English so close to the border) ensured we were not hungry but Bethany still required lunch so we determined to find somewhere on the way to the next stop. Heading to Lindisfarne we found a nice place where we got some food for Bethany whilst we coffeed / wined. Alison noticed a bird of prey area on the same grounds but it seemed a little expensive to look at a few owls when we were getting pressed for time and Bethany was more interested in picking gravel up from the car park. As it turned out the tide was in covering the causeway with another hour and a quarter before it was due to be safe to cross. Parking up we wandered up to the water for a few photos and wonder at the cars creeping forward with the water rather than wait for the causeway to be clear.
   With a 2 hour drive home we thought it best to set off hoping to get something to eat on the way back. Seeing signs for an "In The Night Garden" show at the Metro Centre on the way to Berwick we thought we would call in there and see what it was about as Bethany might be interested and we could get something to eat there. We finally found where it was set up although it was too late for the show so we went into the Metro Centre for food. Bethany certainly enjoyed herself running around but we were once again to be disappointed culinarily as we ended up with burgers and dry fries.

Alan's herbal myth

It's Alison's birthday today and we have spent most of it apart as I slept this morning after she opened her
presents when I got in from work and she has gone to work this afternoon. Once she gets back I'll be going back to work myself. For that reason we went for a bar meal yesterday evening with the in laws and Bethany was incredibly well behaved as she sat in a proper chair and ate her dinner taking everything in. Nathan was a little more unsettled but it probably didn't help when he was being encouraged in some of his funnier antics like throwing peas at Alison. He's got a good arm on him!
   Helen dropped in on her way back from work to give Ali her presents but did not stop for a drink and we were not much longer as people were tired and I had work. When we got back there was note to say that the couriers had been with a parcel and to arrange redelivery. Assuming it be be my dad's present I immediately arranged for them to call today fearing the worst when I dropped Alison at work as I need it for tomorrow and their depot is in Billingham. As the only delivery option was to select the day without any indication as to even morning or afternoon it rather makes a mockery of paying more for express delivery if I happen to be out when they call so have to either drive to another town or wait in all day. As the latter is only feasible on non work days for most people then having to wait until the weekend is not very express. If I had gone for the standard delivery it may have taken a day longer (which it already has) and if Royal Mail was used then their depot is only round the corner if I had been out.
   After dropping Alison off at work as it was nice I let Bethany out to play out the back thinking that she couldn't get too dirty but by the time I hung out one pair of trousers she was standing in the paddling pool that was still full of rainwater. Closer inspection showed that she had already sat down being completely wet through and splashing around in her brand new Lelli Kelly shoes. At least there was some left on the washing line for them.
  

Hear hymn, stab all

With Alison at work and Bethany at nursery I had time to catch up after getting up from my night shift lie in. I was awoken by my father who had popped round to finish erecting a fence at the front which did not take him much longer. This avoided the awkward moment where I would return from town carrying his birthday present whilst he was still here. As it happened the town was a dead loss and I came back with little to show for my efforts for either my Dad or any extra gifts for Alison. Returning home I resorted to the trusty internet but felt it best to pay for the express delivery as I intend to drop his presents round earlier as we are off to Berwick for a night at the weekend.
   I still had time to do the weekly shop before picking Bethany up who was shattered and trying to go to sleep. Too late for her to have a nap before bed I gave her a bath which seems to have done the trick. She is now happily eating her way through nearly everything I just bought including plenty of my pasta. Looking at her day sheet she wasn't exactly starved at nursery either.
   Bethany does continue her cute and adorable phases as yesterday morning as I was trying for a lie in with a night shift to look forward to when I was awoken by her hitting me on the head. As I turned around to see what she wanted she gave me a kiss. Alison took her down for her breakfast after that allowing me to have my sleep.

Shy lab ran hamlet

I am now in profit! After 3 months of running my website I have posted a profit of £2 in the first quarter. A third poem means that I have made £62 with it costing £60 to set up the site and register the name so take that Bill Gates.
   I was a little wary at first as it was for a 1st birthday which does not really allow for the tongue in cheek humour I usually do and something a little more heartfelt was required. I also needed to be sharper with some precise editing to say things in 10 lines. The customer kindly left her feedback on my Guestbook and was polite enough to say nice things so I presume I did a decent enough job.
   I may wait a little while before getting in contact with the woman at HSBC who had been back in touch enquiring whether or not I required a business account. Still, who knows another high performing quarter like the last one and I may be able to quit my job.

Ban my lethal rash.

Totally irrelevant and some second rate comedian has probably riffed on this before but what the bloody hell is the point of those yoghurts with a separate fruit corner? I've bought some for the last few weeks as they were buy one get one free and I started by tipping the corner into the yoghurt, mixing and then eating. This made me wonder if I was missing something because I was basically doing there job for them to get a fruity yoghurt's. Noticing that the picture on the front showed a teaspoon with a dollop of yoghurt topped off with the fruit "coulis" (or jam) and thought I would try this method as I may be missing out on some flavour experience whereby the deconstruction of the simple fruit yoghurt provides a flavour palate. I imagined a sophisticated taste sensation whereby the subtle sourness of the yoghurt could be detected before giving way to the sharpness of the fruit. Obviously I had been watching too much Masterchef and as I did not use a different teaspoon for each mouthful what I actually got was a mixed up yoghurt on both sides of the divide. It didn't taste any different than before either.
   One manufactured sweet thing that I discovered and liked was Limoncello Magnum. They were in the mini form with Irish Cream flavour which I thought Alison would like. She was not that keen thinking the Irish Liqueur too strong but I thought the Limoncello ones just right for a sunny day. Unfortunately it appears that they only come as part of a mini liqueurs pack - oh well, rough with the smooth and all that.

By all mean thrash

A slight start when Alison walked through the door as I was preparing tea with nearly 4 hours of her shift left to go but not as much as the start Alison received when a patient bit her at work. She had tried to call but I was out so she had walked back from casualty armed with some antibiotics after it was decided that a tetanus was unnecessary.
   It is probably just me but there seems to be a spate of baby stories although I presume that I am more aware of them in the same way that adverts for car insurance on the back of busses become noticeable when my premium is due. My own personal take is that one would think that the younger the baby the harder it would be to take care of but I look back on the first 6 months now and think it was quite straight forward. While everything needed to be done for her Bethany's needs at that stage were quite simplistic and she slept for a lot of the time. Added to that Alison was still on her maternity leave so at least freeing up our weekends when we would go out somewhere - often to the seaside if the weather was nice.
   As Bethany got older, however, I realised that you could no longer just put her down somewhere if I needed to nip to the toilet for instance as she started to crawl around and would require strapping in somewhere first. Now that she has outgrown the baby bouncers and seats and happily toddles around we were required to baby proof the house and move everything out of her reach - the dining room table can become quite cluttered during the day. Yes there is no more sterilizing bottles but there is the falling over and the teething and as I work during the week and Alison at the weekend we seldom have the both of us on hand to help each other.

   I am perfectly aware that if I think it is tougher now when I was almost willing this time to hurry up when we could have more interaction with Bethany then I know that it will get harder still as we look forward to the "terrible twos" and the temper tantrums and the moody teenage years. For all that, without wishing to be overly sentimental it is absolutely worth it for the times when Bethany is laughing and dancing around the room or doing some new thing that excites her. Today it was to tease me with her food as she has found it fun to feed us with her food as if she was repaying the compliment only this afternoon as she proffered me some dried mango and went to put it in my mouth she withdrew her hand at the last moment. This she repeated several times before eating it herself. On the less cute side she also managed to climb into her high chair with only the tray preventing her from sitting down properly. Alison managed to rescue her from that predicament as her legs dangled dangerously from the sides.