After a non stop weekend of chasing after Bethany it was almost a relief to get back to work which is unfair as we managed a sort of routine whilst Alison was at work which involved me sitting her in front of CBeebies and after half an hour realizing that she had wandered off to play with her toys in another room and I was becoming transfixed by the programmes. That's not to say that she doesn't watch it as she can get upset if you don't put it on for her and even picked up the TV remote in our bedroom and pointed it at the television herself.
   My mam commented how different Bethany's reaction to my mam's step sisters was last weekend. Steph was first up and was busy making amendments to my grandfather's epitaph so did not pay much attention to Bethany as she toddled by curiously fishing for compliments. After staring at Steph for a little and receiving a little smile she toddled out of the room. When Alex came downstairs she acknowledged Bethany more and said hello to her when she tried the same stunt. I explained to my mam that this was the reason that she interacted with Alex more by giving her presents (basically anything of my parents that she found lying around) and it was a trick she often pulls with strangers. When we go e.g. to the pub for a meal Bethany will often stare at the people on an adjacent table until somebody smiles back or even talks and she will respond by laughing and smiling back loving the fact that she is getting some attention. If they don't return her smiles then she'll try another table until someone does before using Alison and myself as a last resort.

   A brief interlude as Bethany just woke herself coughing and failing to get her back to sleep after a few minutes palmed her off to Alison who was asleep as the only method we've found to settle her back down is to cuddle into one of us in bed.

   Well looking at the date we are now into February and that means another birthday is just around the corner. It's been a few years since any vestige of pretending to still be young was left but I can't help but feel that next year's approach of the dreaded 40 is casting rather a shadow, especially when I realized that a number of my contemporaries at school will be reaching this landmark figure later this year. I know it's only a number but to me it sounds old - well middle aged at least - and I'm yet to feel comfortable with that. When I turned 30 there was mocking of being old but I did not feel it, and while I don't feel particularly old it is harder to laugh of 40 and believe that you still have youth on your side. Part of me wishes that the next 25 years would just hurry up and get the decay over with so that I can slip comfortably into senescence and be done with quotidian drudgery in between. Then when I'm done with the self pity I can look forward to seeing our daughter grow.