Self awareness is a cruel being that can rob you of whatever confidence you have. Some may have a lack of confidence due to constantly being undermined, not getting that promotion to the extent that you doubt if you really are capable. I, however, suffer from low self esteem even though people have constantly tried to sing my praises. This is a natural thing for parents to do and when you do quite well at school it is tempting to believe the hype especially when you progress to University which, you are constantly reminded, is for a select few. However, once there you quickly realize that you are not quite so special, there are thousands of others like you and you have no God given right to whatever you think you deserve. Graduating with an average degree, which according to urban legend at the time was worse than I would have been awarded if the library had burned down, wakes you up to reality as does the hundreds of job rejection letters you collect. Generally I am aware that I have a certain level of intelligence but not enough whereby I could eg debate sensibly on certain topics without having to do a lot of research first and then disseminating it which I don't really have time for. I therefore rely on certain trusted sources to keep abreast of certain issues and would not be comfortable arguing with a zealot of the opposing point of view who has the courage of their convictions. My verbal communication skills are poor at the best of times and even this format feels more like talking and so something I still don't feel entirely comfortable with as opposed to taking more time to craft and edit a piece properly but as this is not meant to be that serious I'm sure I'll cope. Friends and family are kind enough to laugh at the silly limericks I compose for special occasions and whilst being fairly quick witted this is no indication of any actual ability. I know also that I will be guilty of knee jerk reactions but this is more of a cathartic exercise and I really need to try a bit of reflection. The trouble is that any number of people are doing the same and their are too many voices speaking at once. This is not a problem per se and is nicely democratic, but the knock on effect it has on news programmes and the amount of coverage that is given to ill informed people is frightening. The following link from a climate change denying MP post underlines how these people are in power but as Ben Goldacre pointed out when he posted this on Twitter is the 2nd comment.

http://www.hearfromyourmp.com/view/message/1084

That comment is what I can only aspire to: properly researched with references debunking the myths perpetuated by the self serving politician. Thankfully there are people like Alistair Jackson around prepared to dig around and stand up to these people, I just wonder how many are listening to him. Many folk may hear the accusation but few hear the rebuttal and if they do may not believe it.
   With the clocks going back Alison has to work an extra hour tonight, although it is her last shift and I'm wondering whether to have an extra hour in bed or not as I'll still be up early to pick Ali up but will have to go back to bed later as I start nights. Before taking her we called at the local store and I stocked up on sweets expecting a number of Trick or Treaters to call, not wanting to be caught out like last night when a group of girls came round and all I had access to as I was trying to get Bethany settled was 13p. Anyway, not one caller so I now feel a little nauseous from too many wine gums. Still no loud bangs tonight unlike last night when it sounded like something falling down. Looking out the back this morning I saw a 8ish foot length foot of fascia on the decking. Where from?: can't see anywhere obvious. How did it get there?: Don't know as our garden backs onto other gardens and we have houses either side with a locked gate down the drive. Upshot: Someone couldn't be arsed to take it to the tip so thought I could take it for them.