I gave myself a little shock the other night. I made a return to Twitter last night for what I intended yo be a brief foray but altered my bio and avi beforehand. On Thursday night I tinkered with my bio on the @designahaiku account which I seldom use and only has a handful of followers so didn't mind playing around in there without actually posting anything.
   Due to the infrequent posts, still near the top of my profile page, was a post I made before Amanda's death was announced where I, slightly vaguely, declared my fear that the worst had happened as I hadn't heard from her for a few days. With everything that followed I did not think any more of it but saw it again then.
https://twitter.com/designahaiku/status/201675047373520896

What struck me was the date and time: I posted that two hours before Amanda died. We said we had a wavelength but that sent a shiver down my spine. I had been fearing the worst since the Friday but still hoped I was wrong and far too premature but by the time I posted that I believed I would never hear from her again. RIP Amanda :'(

Yesterday was Amanda's funeral and Twitter again paid due tribute to a wonderful person. I broke from my self imposed exile to post a couple of comments and retweet those of others thus making it churlish not to reply back to those who mentioned me, although I kept it brief and stated I would make an appearance at the weekend. Even after nearly six weeks the emotion is still very raw and Amanda's loss is still keenly felt. Sadness, anger and love were all evident in people's responses with many taking the time to think of their interactions with a person they had not met or even seen.
   It was a day of reflection for Twitter as many remembered the joy she brought. Someone commented about re-reading her old emails - something I've been doing on a daily basis, as well as listening to her Boos to the extent that I can practically recite them all and reading the tweets posted to the #RIPAmanda hashtag just showed how many lives she touched.
   She always listened and offered untold support and after a few words of advice would say something silly to lighten the mood. This was never inappropriate and always had the desired effect of making me smile. I could do with a chat and a giggle now. Therapist, comedy rhyming partner but most of all a friend: I miss you so very much Amanda, RIP.


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Don't have much to say only that, 5 weeks after Amanda died, I've seen from her husband's post that her funeral will take place on Thursday 21st. Such a long wait which may grant some peace to all concerned.

 

It has been claimed that the most distressing times one can endure are through death, divorce and moving house. As if Amanda's death wasn't upsetting enough, last week I admitted to Alison that I wasn't happy with the constant rows and it wasn't fair on Bethany to be caught in the middle. As such I said it was best we separate, with consequent upshot of mw going for a clean sweep and have to move out.
Finances dictate that this isn't really feasible at the moment, leaving us in the odd limbo position of openly admitting what the case has been for the last several months: that this is a marriage of convenience for the sake of Bethany and the mortgage only with me now seeping on the futon in the spare room. Until Alison finds a job this may well remain the situation for a while but at least I am still close to Bethany and we know where we stand with each other.
That's not to say that the situation isn't awkward and uncomfortable and the atmosphere can easily change from pleasant to frosty and we have agreed to see a counsellor, with reservations as to how successful that may or may not be. My personal feelings I have recorded elsewhere and I shall leave them private, certainly for the moment.
Not too sure how things will pan out and may not post anything for a while until something is resolved - I have already taken a sabbatical from Twitter as I seek to get things sorted and work out what is best for Bethany. The main reason for that is that I know I would end up mentioning something and I would rather not get personal in my timeline - especially if I'm going to be whiny too.
I'll still respond to DMs, just hide for the time being, although I don't think anybody has noticed yet anyway.
Bye for now :-/