A quick post before I go to work to demonstrate the circuitous route my mind can take. This morning returning from work the song "French Navy" started to play on my CD and half asleep could not immediately recall the band's name. Believing it had something to do with photography or cinema thought of Cinerama. Knowing that Dave Gedge had nothing to do with the song currently playing my mind drifted to the apparatus used by Roger Livesey in "A Matter of Life and Death" when operating a number of mirrors to spy on his neighbours. The name of this apparatus eluded me for a number of minutes and thinking it would bother me for the rest of the day I concentrated on trying to stay awake until it came to me: Camera Obscura. It was then that I realised that I had come full circle and that they were the name of the band responsible for the song that had been bugging me.

Panic over after Bethany got a temperature last night causing a dash to the NHS drop in centre to confirm she had picked up an infection. Our first real cause for concern compounded by her being troubled teething. As it was nearly 7 by the time we left with the prescription and with nothing in the house as I was planning to do a shop that evening we went to pick up the prescription at the chemist in Sainsbury's and grab a couple of pizzas for tea. On being told that it would take 10 to 15 minutes to complete the prescription I decided to pick up a few extra things. I ended up getting, scanning and paying for half the weekly shop in the 15 minutes before the prescription was ready when I can take over an hour to do the normal shop. I felt like I was doing one of those trolley dashes.
   Further to the ISU drivel from the other day I realise that the names are all wrong. Any lead in such a programme would have to have an alliterative name e.g. Zack Zoom although he now sounds like a cartoon character so Zack Zimmerman. I know there are too many syllables to be an action lead but he may prove to be more cerebral.

There seems to be a preponderance of vans with emergency style markings cropping up recently with "Incident Support Unit" emblazoned across the side. These appear very dramatic and tend to proliferate in the early hours hinting at some accident black spot where this team of dedicated professionals are on hand to lend assistance at a crash scene perhaps from diverting traffic to removing any wreckage.
   Now I know that Chris Rea sang about the A19 being the "Road to Hell" but I have not seen that many accidents on my daily commute even if the Incident Support Unit are highly efficient. Suspicions that this group may have exaggerated the job description grew when spotting a few employees cutting the verges and picking up litter and noticing, also wrote on the van but in smaller writing and at the bottom of the rear doors: "Highway Maintenance". I am not trying to dismiss this as a trivial job only that the title seems specifically designed to make them appear more glamourous but actually sounds misleading. Surely it is only one small step away from the full Americanization of ISU complete with accompanying TV series:
   Steve Zoom is the maverick ex cop who doesn't play by the rules. As team leader he is responsible for patrolling the highways of Teesside to make sure that commuters can get to work safely. Tiffany Blonde is his assistant who, when not pouting seductively at Steve, helps motivate the rest of the team. Together they will clear up that bit of broken taillight from the inside lane of the A689.

   Well my attempt to include a hyperlink yesterday did not appear to be too successful so I'll try again:

http://www.antislaveryfundraising.org/event/23rdAugust

That looks better.
   The above refers to a curious item on the local news this evening when it announced that it was "Slavery Memorial Day" (although I misheard and thought the presenters were about to discuss Savoury Memorial Day - Ah yes I remember vegetable samosas well!) Anyhow it was not the subject which was curious but rather the tone in which it was presented after declaring that the west coast of the country was more heavily involved, here in the North East we were also implicated. Although I got the feeling that they were rather proud of our involvement in a see we were just as bad as Bristol and Liverpool and therefore of equal importance as they talked about a local businessman who earned some of his fortune from sugar plantations. It was all a little unsettling - I know the purpose of local news is to promote the region and be proud of local achievements and the more low key the area (usually correlating with distance from the capital) then the more the need to shout "Look at me" in the manner of a younger sibling but some things really aren't worth boasting about.

Sat alone in the beer garden of the Fox and Hounds by the River Tees we allowed Bethany to roam freely and she was happy enough to crawl to other tables - the furthest she has moved away from us. When we arrived the beer garden was full with other children playing on the swings and slide. By the time we climbed the bank and walked along the river for a while before returning everybody had gone so we had free rein for a while to let her explore. The bank proved a little too steep for her as she attempted to reach Alison at the top but took a tumble a little way up before I caught her. Overall she seemed happy enough but we couldn't stop fretting at every object she paused at ready to put it in her mouth.
   On a different (yet unsurprisingly football related note) one of the critics of Mikel Arteta's theoretical selection for England appears to be Mark Lawrenson. I did not hear him quote directly but only third party via his BBC colleagues but if true seems to be slightly ironic that the man from Lancashire who played for the Republic of Ireland should complain about a Spaniard playing for England.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/teams/e/everton/8934261.stm

Well yesterday was a bit of a poor show but I did feel rather knackered. I believe that is what I was going to type but I was interrupted as Bethany awoke in that strange way that after leaving her for only the 2nd time she was sound asleep for my parents but decided to rouse when we returned and they left. I think the wife was secretly pleased as she had missed her and the opportunity to comfort her back to sleep provided her with the mothering fix she had missed. It was nice to get out even if I felt a little like we had gatecrashed her sister's wedding anniversary - presumably Louise and Paul would rather have had a romantic meal alone together.
   Anyway the inevitable England defeat after yesterday's collapse against Pakistan in the 3rd test. Alistair Cook's century no doubt guarantees his place for the next couple of series. Why are the selectors so reluctant to drop batsmen when they are out of form but will gladly operate a revolving door policy with regard to bowlers. Their logic no doubt dictates that the more artisan bowlers were not incisive enough and will decide to freshen up the attack whilst insisting that the batsmen need "time in the middle" especially as the main under fire batter going into this test made a century. Again it appears that we are not as good as we think we are and Cook's position would not have been questioned so much if the others were scoring runs. Any decent side can afford to carry one player having a poor run but if no-one is in great form then that players deficiencies are highlighted all the more. Pietersen is also having a poor run but they wouldn't dare drop him. The trouble with this policy is that no other player gets a chance to prove themselves and put pressure on the incumbents. There are a number of bowlers with test experience now -  Shazzad and Bresnan are probably next in line with players such as Panesar, Sidebottom and Onions still waiting in the wings. As for the batsmen the inconsistent Bell will probably replace Morgan when he's fit leaving only Bopara and the limited international experience of Carberry as cover. Because the current top order have no pressure on them there is no urgency for them to perform.

Well everybody else is asleep and I've basically come on here just to comment that I can't really be bothered to come on here and I'm just going to watch the cricket highlights with a beer before I join them. Just as well I'm only wasting my fingertips and slowly eroding the keys on my laptop now we're all paperless.

Well that's completely urinated on my chips! On the radio returning from work a phone-in was introduced for the following programme where the songs you would like played at your funeral were to be discussed. The excuse being that the number of people requesting hymns is diminishing and mention was made of Peter Sellers (not that) famously having Glenn Miller's "In The Mood". And I thought I was being original when for the last 15 years I have envisioned my pallbearers tap dancing down the aisle with my coffin to that very tune. Never mind but for the record I would also like "No Love Lost" by Joy Division and "I Am The Resurrection" by The Stone Roses.

Well after bothering to look for the time zone setting this post should be on GMT and not 8 hours out - there's probably a lesson there somewhere. Well today most of the conversation at work, much to my chagrin, has concerned football and I was as guilty as everybody else as I got myself vexed over Man City buying all the best players not to build a team but to stop anyone else signing them. Now that they have too many players for the quota they just loan out any excess to teams in a lower division. If the owners wish to purchase every marquee name in the sport they should just do it like everyone else in a video game.
   Anyway enough of that, the best line today came from a colleague commenting on yet another health and safety poster in the workplace. After the 6 step guide on washing our hands we have now been reminded about wearing the correct safety wear and not wearing jewellery accompanied by Microsoft Picture Gallery images. On seeing it he commented "At least they had decent posters in the Soviet Union".

Hmm I seemed to have actually got autobiographical yesterday and treated this blog like a diary which was my initial purpose although there is something quite cathartic about discussing anything that seems to have occurred or that I've thought of during the day. Take for instance my point about the adverts like Amazon recommends. This is quite annoying after the first few uses as it presumes you must like an album because somebody else bought it as well as one you also bought. It's more confusing now because I always forget to ignore items I buy as presents but I do still check them out on the off chance of discovering a hidden gem.
   Also why is the time on some funny US time when I'm in the UK. If your going to display the time of posting you should show the local time otherwise it looks like I've got nothing better to do during the day or I'm some sort of insomniac typing away in the wee hours. Saying that, if there is a setting to adjust this then, to be honest, I haven't looked but then I only noticed that the time was wrong relevant to me last night (or yesterday afternoon!)
   A warning that things may get more boring as I will attempt to write down some events in the vain hope that one day my daughter may find them of some interest, although I hope that she has far more important things to do with her time. However if she asks me when something happened there may be I faint chance that I could find out for her by referencing this as I am all too aware of the fragility of memory. This is a subject that I kept hearing about on the radio and in a book and I suppose that is what prompted me to start this as I contemplated whether my memory had lied to me. There is one occasion I remembered as a child when reading a magazine on a family holiday in the back of the car called "Look-In" and Elvis was on the front cover. For years I believed this to be a tribute to him on his death only later to be told that we went on that holiday a few years after his death. It's not as if 1977 is too far away for me to remember as a 5 year old as it is the first year I can date memories as my sister was born and I remember the street party for the Queen' silver jubilee (I was dressed as, what was still called then, a Red Indian and made somebody dressed as a playing card run off crying when I fired an arrow and the rubber suction cup stuck on their forehead - truthfully I'm a bit vague as to whether the arrow stuck or not ) but I was oblivious to Elvis at this time.
   Another part of me thinks that this may take the fun out of trying to remember and having to live with the disappointment of being proved wrong. Still it'll probably just gather cyber dust.

By this ad thingy is good, just like Amazon recommends. I might have to have a game later praising certain brands or services only to contradict myself if an advert for it appears. Then again I couldn't really be bothered and writing that on screen is probably following through with the actual deed.
   Had a bit of a nostalgia trip today after taking Bethany to my parents while Alison slept off her night shift. My dad decided to dig out some old toys of my sister and mine (she also turned up to play (sorry reminisce)). Quite why they still had 30 year old toys in the attic, especially as they have moved house since we've grown up, I'm not quite sure but Bethany seemed diverted enough for a little time particularly with the yellowed receipt roll for the cash register. Disappointingly after hunting for batteries it didn't do much more with power and was basically a calculator with a drawer. I was hoping for some beeping noises at least but all that was to be found were a few pesetas, pfennigs and centimes in amongst the plastic money we removed from the drawer before passing it to my daughter. Also alongside an FA Cup centenary coin from 1972 was a piece of paper with the address for the Kylie and Jason Fan Club which I passed to my sister in case she still required it. By the time the Fisher Price High Street was dusted down poor Bethany was more bemused by the sight of us filling the cars up with petrol and locking up half of the residents in the local jail. Time has not been kind to that little town and it's ageing population which is in desperate need of some youth or immigration as the cars now outnumber the people.
   This afternoon proved no less eventful when we went for something to eat with Alison's family. It was primarily for her aunt Ella's 76th birthday but also provided the opportunity to see her sister's sons. As Nathan is only a month younger than Bethany, one or the other is usually requiring attention and this sometimes leaves Joshua feeling a little left out at 8. As I was driving then I am enjoying having a drink now - which reminds me: I must go and top my glass up.

Christ t20 finals day is dragging on a bit. I've only dipped in now and again (I can't say I truly love 20/20: it was interesting at first but seeing batsmen constantly smack the ball around the park gets a bit boring - to think this was designed to make cricket more exciting) but this is taking about 12 hours - in 1 day!  I do have other things to do you know: aside from domestic duties or taking the baby to the park I would like to finish reading the paper whilst it still has today's date on it. Granted I've managed to multi-task those particularly onerous tasks but I only buy a paper on a Saturday and it now feels like it's my me time and I truly can't relax until I've done the crossword (just the quick to use more time on the cryptic would be selfish). Anyway the commentators mentioned consulting fellow commentator and former umpire (and player, coach etc) David Lloyd about a rule only to mention that he was having a nap. It may well have been an exaggeration but if the commentators can't be expected to stay awake for the duration how the hell are we supposed to.
   Mentioning Sky Sports staff (although I subscribe through Virgin) reminds me of another advert being hawked on here for the Sun and it's fantasy football whatever. First banks now the stain of Rupert Murdoch, whatever next. By way of absolution if anyone ever comes across this I recommend that they buy the Guardian and join Amnesty International. There, I feel a bit cleaner now.
   On an unrelated note when are people going to start referring to this year as twenty ten and not two thousand and ten. Your wasting two extra syllables! It was understandable in the preceding years of this century as twenty-0-nine doesn't quite sound right and said quickly could sound like 29. In which case did they mean 1929 or 2029. Now, however no such confusion should arise so it's about time we dropped this two thousand bit after all I do not say I was born in one thousand nine hundred and seventy two.
   Anyway it sounds like the cricket is finally coming to a close and I've still got a crossword to finish.

Oh Pandora's box is well and truly open now after giving up any principles I may have had when I agreed to allow advertising on this site; after all what harm could it do. Age has softened my previous hardcore stance and after all don't I recommend certain products or companies to friends and family as well as praising certain books, films or albums which I would be happy to do on this site. Also I am quite broad minded and wouldn't be overly concerned if the adverts were for porn but would draw the line for anything immoral that promoted say arms manufacturers, junk food and banking services. So start warming that place at Beelzebub's table for me as I notice one of the first links has been whored out to some bank or other (I am rather vague on most things financial).
   It also occurs to me that I've not failed to mention football in my previous posts and as I'm in a self-flagellatory mood I again hate myself for being interested in this second rate sport whilst the cricket season is still continuing. Cricket is for summer, football (and rugby) for winter. Football has already gatecrashed the summer enough this year and should be given no further consideration until the cricket season is over: the leagues in football don't become remotely interesting until after Christmas anyway before which everyone is just jockeying for position. Perhaps cricket can exact some revenge this winter if England perform well in the Ashes.
   While I'm hating myself I might as well get this football related thought out of my system: Does Spain / Barcelona midfielder Xavi Hernandez look a bit like Ed "I wasn't in Government when we went to war" Milliband look familiar?

Pass the Ball

Pass the Buck

Celebrity Masterchef seems to be running out of venues, from Michelin starred restaurants to a building site. Whereas John Torrode seemed very ill at ease in his hi-vis and helmet Greg Wallace resembled a foreman.
   I was planning to write a bit more and then I wasn't going to bother but thought I would note down the above observation before packing up. Also just to note one positive from England's game which was Phil Neville summarising on the radio when Hungary scored to comment that if they held on it would be the biggest result in their history. Whilst wondering how their current crop of players 1-0 up in a pre season friendly against a well criticised England team would compare to the 1954 World Cup runners up of Puskas, Albert, Kocsis et al the commentator (John Murray I think) quickly highlighted the ridiculousness of this statement by asking if it would be better than the team of Puskas that beat England 6-3 and, a few months later, 7-1. Sheepishly Neville replied that he hadn't been born then. So now when he says history he obviously means within his own history and not giving way to hyperbole, or an Englishman over egging the abilities of footballers. Also how easy it is to forget the exploits of once great teams who had 1 golden generation and are now struggling today. Can't quite think of any parallels just yet.

   Well I've spent that long trying to set this up I'm not sure if I can be bothered to write anything just yet. Most of that time was taken up with trying to come up with a URL address that had not already been taken. Still I'm here now for a little while whilst the baby snoozes.
   First a biographical checkpoint to get my bearings so that if I should look back in future years I know when I started this - also if anybody else is bored enough to be reading this it would be polite to introduce myself. I am 38 years old living in Darlington and working in Hartlepool; this week I am on nights so I'm offering that as an excuse for the poor quality on display here. I have been married for nearly 3 years and have an 8 month old daughter who has just started to crawl but has given me an insight into a new guilty pleasure that is CBeebies. Like her if they are wearing a monkey suit and start singing then I'm hooked. Obviously not all programmes are going to work and for every genius Carrie and David's Pop Shop there is the rather sinister Same Smile where some woman turns up to a school / nursery with 3 stuffed pandas. She sends 2 children out with a panda each to make them file a video report for her on whatever subject is the theme whilst she remains behind with the rest of the class and the 3rd panda to play with whatever is in her case. The "video reporters" return with their report and a present for HER after which she packs up her case with the toys, pandas and her presents and just leaves.
   As you may tell, I will probably wander off on various tangents but that will do for now as tea is nearly ready and then I'll get prepared for work. If I have enough time I might start watching England's brave new dawn as they take on the mighty Hungary. I could have sworn Capello was going to blood youngsters, and not just have a couple of Arsenal kids on the bench whilst Terry, Lampard, Gerrard et al continue as if nothing happened. This investment in youth has already seen 2 squad members retire!
  
   Oh well there's the oven.